Monday, September 7, 2009

Bear with me

I have been unemployed for almost a month now. While I have been enjoying my 'vacation', I am starting to freak out a little bit. We need that 2nd paycheck. Unemployment has kicked in, but it's just enough to see us through.

Here we are, in the month of September, Christmas rapidly approaching. Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE Christmas. All of the shopping & gift giving. I get great joy out of picking a gift for someone and seeing their reaction. It's my LOVE LANGUAGE!!

Yet, today Craig mentioned that we may have to cut back. I'm ok with that, really I am. But the thought of not getting gifts for certain people really saddens me. How else can I show them my love?

I'm scared. I'm scared of what is in store for my family. Will I get another job? Will I get the job that I want - the one that I thought God had picked out for me? When will it happen? When will I know?

I'm not sleeping well lately. I sleep great during the day, but it's at night that I'm not sleeping. Thoughts fill my head. Thoughts of what we need and what we can't do. Thoughts of doubt and fear. I'm tired of just getting by. I'm tired of having 'just enough' to survive. I just want to collapse. I try to focus on the words of my Heavenly Father, but there's another voice shouting at me. I am desperately trying to ignore that voice and hear His whisper.

I feel broken and alone. I feel like a failure. I can't even keep a stupid retail job!

Again, I find myself keeping God in a box. Putting him on MY time line; not accepting His. Following his timeline is scary, like walking a tightrope without a net, but in this case there is a net. He is my net. He will catch me when I fall. He holds my hands as I balance across.

Lord, help me! Give me patience to wait this out. Show us where you want me to be. Show me the job you want me to have. Give us peace when it comes to our finances. Help us to stop worrying and start trusting more in you. Help silences the screaming voices of doubt so that I can hear only YOUR voice. ~ Amen

Many blessings,

1 comment:

Kristen said...

Something that always helps me when I start to get uneasy concerning finances and things like that :

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
(Matthew 6:25-33)

I pray things look up for you soon!