Thursday, November 29, 2012

Life stinks!

This entry started out a lot differently. I was going to give definitions of what a hero/heroine was. It was simply going to be an informational blog. A tiny glimpse into who my current hero is.

Then emotions overtook me the other day and I realized I needed to make this entry exactly like this.

Life stinks! I do not understand why bad stuff happens to good people. Yeah, I know. People automatically assume that because I am a Christian, I have all of the answers. Well - you know what? I don't!

I don't know why God allowed Hurricane Katrina to happen? I have no clue where He was on 9/11/01. Where was He during Hurricane Sandy? Was He absent while I was being raped?

One thing I can say for certain, is that God has NEVER deserted us. It may feel as though He's letting us walk alone, but I can guarantee that He is with us every step of the way. He hurts when we hurt. He cries when we cry.

So, why does life stink? I'll tell you.

I have a dear friend, LL. God brought me & LL together when we both needed a friend. He had a hand in how it began. She was there for me when BFF moved. Helped me grieve that 'loss'.

Over the years of friendship, I have learned a little more about LL's life. Loss of 4 children, an immune deficiency that kicks her butt daily. And now.... CANCER.

LL just learned that she has breast cancer. Stage 3 breast cancer that has spread to her lymph nodes  There are 3 types of breast cancer.. As of this post, she has 2 of the 3, yet they fear that she has the 3rd as well. Radiation, chemo, mastectomy are all on her horizon.

She has already been through SO much... why this too?

I'll admit. I've been angry for her. Playing the 'WHY HER' game. I fear for her. I fear for her husband. What they have already endured and now what they are about to undergo once again. 

LL can easily play the victim card. WHY ME? I haven't heard her say that once. Instead, she simply says "WHY NOT ME". If what she endures can help just 1 person, than that is why.

Her story has reminded me SO much of the story of Job. Job was afflicted over & over & over yet his faith in God never wavered. While his friends & family around him, told him to curse God, he continued to be faithful to our Heavenly Father - the Great Physician.

I do not want to be Job's friends when it comes to LL. I may not be a great source of encouragement for her, I can certainly stay by her side and tell her that this stinks. That I am scared for her. In fact, that's what she wants me to say. She wants someone to cry WITH her... not just FOR her. She wants someone to be angry WITH her. To fight WITH her. She wants to be treated as a friend - not a sick cancer patient.

So..... I am friends with LL, my beloved friend. I will do my best to be real with every step she endures. Not in a way that will bring her down, but in a way that will allow her to be exactly who she is without fear of being treated differently. She may be tiny in stature - but she's got the fight & determination of a prized fighter. 

Yes - life stinks! But it is in the stinky moments that you learn exactly who your REAL friends are.

Many blessings,