Sunday, September 18, 2011

One thing remains.....

I survived last night's pity party. I'm still feeling a little 'down', but I had one of those CLARITY moments today.

Woke up with a GERD attack AND a migraine, so I wasn't able to go to work. I did manage to get out of bed for a few this morning... just enough to tune in to church. Yes, you read that right - I was able to TUNE into church.

They were in the middle of worshiping - my FAVORITE part of service. It's one way I feel totally connected to my Heavenly Father. Standing in the middle of a room, eyes closed tight, face up to heaven, arms stretched out.... I can 'feel' God hugging me.

I SO needed to hear this song. It was as if God selected it just for ME! It spoke straight to my heart.

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me

It's SO true... when I feel as though everyone else in my life has walked out - Jesus is still there IN the middle of everything. Loving on me.. embracing me. Comforting me. I just need to be willing to be still and accept it.


Many blessings,

Saturday, September 17, 2011


Before you continue reading, please know that I am fully aware of the PC things I'm supposed to 'feel'. I get it. I just need to rant/vent.

Throughout life, I have always felt like a wall flower. You know, the girl who's there but not really there. Blending into the woodwork. When you meet me, I'm either SUPER quiet or SUPER loud. Most people would describe me as an extrovert. However - I AM NOT! I am an introvert.

I can be in a crowded room and feel totally alone. Like I'm on the outside, looking in. A misfit. Don't really belong anywhere... just 'floating'.

I feel like this at work. I feel like this at work. I feel like this in my own family sometimes.

Am I that different? Awkward?

Today I am hurting. Tired of feeling alone. Tired of looking from the outside. Tired of feeling as though I just don't belong. I am tired of hurting!

I will say that I wanted to binge - BIG TIME!! Oh, I was planning ways to run and get binge food while at work. Heck, I was tempted to stop on the way home and binge. But I fought the urge. I know that it would only make me feel worse.

Instead, I came home and had a good cry.

Tonight, I'll curl up on the couch, pretend I'm watching college football w/ The Mayor and then head to bed. Not an exciting night - but I'm not feeling very exciting right now.

Don't pity me. Don't feel sorry for me.. I simply ask that when you think of it - lift me up in prayer.

Many blessings,