Friday, June 13, 2014

1st Father's Day

This Sunday is Father's Day. If I'm really honest with you, I'd say that I just want to ignore the day and pretend it doesn't exist. Yet that wouldn't be fair to my husband.

So, Sunday I need to choose to celebrate my husband. He deserves it. He is an amazing father to our two children.

I also need to remember my father. This will be the 1st Father's Day without him.

My father wasn't a perfect. man. I honestly believe he did he best loving us when we were growing up. He was a hurt young man who didn't have a good example of showing love. That poured over into his marriage and his relationship with his daughters. It wasn't until he truly hit rock bottom - divorce - that he had to reestablish those relationships.

It has been 9 1/2 months since my dad passed. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him still. His lack of presence in my life is like a giant hole. The tears don't come daily, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt.

I want to find a way to honor my father's life while at the same time celebrating my husband.

It's an uphill battle.

Many blessings,

Thursday, June 12, 2014

The broken heart of a teenage girl

There once was a young girl who wanted so much to be loved by her father. For years she tried everything she could think of to get his attention, only to be turned away. She couldn't understand why he didn't love her. Was she not pretty enough? Was she not athletic enough?

As the years went by, this girl started turning her attention towards boys. She would fill pages & pages of her diaries professing her love. Most of the time her attentions went unnoticed. Again, wasn't she pretty enough? Was she too tall? Did she not wear the right clothes? Say the right things?

She was a plain Jane. Most of the guys liked her - as a friend. Usually they befriended her in order to gain access to her more attractive friends. While this crushed her heart, that didn't stop her from trying to get a guy's attention.

Eventually, she gave away the one possession that meant so much - herself. Yet it still wasn't enough to keep a guy interested. One guy played with her heart for over 3 years. Each time she found herself in a relationship with someone new, the boy she loved would tell her he loved her & wanted to be with her. She would then break-up to be with him. Within days he would grow tired of their relationship.

She even considered going back to the man who raped her. Feeling that he would be the only person who would ever love her.

She was depressed. Unloved. Desperate.

Until one day, He came back into her life.

He showed her what love was really about. She was to be pursued. She captured His heart and He did everything He could to show His love.

The girl grew into a woman and each day He shows His love in new ways.

Her hurts have healed. She knows what it is to love and be loved in return. While she may look back on those years with sadness for that lost girl, she knows that He was there every step of the way.

And just who was that girl?

It was me.