Thursday, August 21, 2014

Being refined (again)

The Mayor & I find ourselves in a situation where God's is refining us.

Ugh - it was SO hard to write that sentence because I want so much to believe that God has forgotten us. Yet, while my head screams that at me, my heart knows differently.

This past year has been hard on me. Trying to get on with life after the death of my father has been difficult. Even though he lived many states away, he was such a vital part of my life. There's that hole.

Add that to the issues at work and other family issues, I've felt ready to crack.

Now I feel like I'm drowning. My family is being attacked by the Enemy and is using my church in the process.

So I have been angry with God. Angry with other people in my life.

I am being offered a life line, yet I don't want to take it. Why? Because it's not on MY terms.

I am selfish. I always want to do things MY way, especially the difficult things.

I need to sign up for crazy overtime? Fine - but I will choose the days. I won't let them be assigned to me.

These most recent events are SO beyond my control. I have had no part in the decisions. Yet in the back of my mind and in the recesses of my heart I know the decision is for the best.

It's funny.... We know that God's doesn't promise an easy walk. In fact it tells us we will be tested. But He will be with us every step of the way. He is the potter & I am the clay.

Much like gold, I am being refined once again. Foolish of me to think that my story was going to be easy from here on out.

Satan needs to attack when you are doing God's will. So - here we are doing God's will and being attacked. It's discouraging. We've learned who our friends are.

I am ready to start healing. I've needed it for about a year now. Unfortunately, when you heal there is still pain to work through.

God refine me.....

Many blessings,