Thursday, August 30, 2012

Hello insecurities

I battle with insecurities. As a wife, as a mother, as a woman. So to keep those insecurities in check, I tend to keep to myself. Go to work, come home, veg with the family, volunteer. Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep my life in a tiny little box so that nothing can come in & nothing can really escape. A great way to keep people at arms length.

This has been especially true since BFF moved over 2 years ago. The thought of putting myself out there and having to make a new friend... UGH! I'd rather have root canal without Novocaine. Heck, I'd rather birth a baby without an epidural! Do you get the picture?

I'll be honest. Since BFF left, I have done very LITTLE to put myself out there. Sure. I have surface  friendships, but even those people I keep at a distance. Don't have anyone that really knows the nitty gritty of me.

Imagine my surprise when I decided to sign up for a Mom's Group. Yep.. blindly signed up. Didn't know if I'd know anyone in the group. Just decided that I would sign up. It a group of moms who are tweens/teens. They're in the same place in life as I am.

Today was the 1st day of group. What a  struggle to get my butt out of the house to go. Surely, since I don't know anyone there, no one will miss me. What if I'm not a good mom? What if I'm not a good wife? Since the group meets during the day, the majority of the moms will be stay-at-home-moms. Can I even relate? Will they look down on me because I work?

I went.... the topic for the next few weeks "LIES WOMEN BELIEVE"... specifically lies moms believe.

I got there... took every ounce of courage to get out of the car. I  mean, have you seen my car? 1998 Honda Accord with a ton of crap inside (I'm not very tidy). What about my clothes? My hair? My lack of make-up? My weight?

Thankfully, the staff did the hard part for us. They had already separated us into groups. Let me tell you - I would have been perfectly happy sitting all alone. There were a few familiar faces. You would think that would ease my mind a bit. NOPE!!! Now there are people who KNOW me that may think of me one way, but then get to see the 'real' me and change their mind.

A few of the ladies are moms to the high school boys the Mayor leads at church. They had such nice things to say about the Mayor. Of course, that just added to my stress & insecurities. I mean, how can I measure up to the Mayor? Will they think less of him because of me?

What I learned today is that those insecurities I struggle with are lies from the Enemy. Lies he wants me to believe so that I push myself away from being the person that God created me to be.

I am glad I went. It was nice to chat with the ladies at my table. Surprisingly enough, we come from all walks of life & they have very similar struggles as I do. A slight camaraderie.

I'm looking forward to the next meeting!! Maybe I'll even make a friend.

Many blessings,