Before you continue reading, please know that I am fully aware of the PC things I'm supposed to 'feel'. I get it. I just need to rant/vent.
Throughout life, I have always felt like a wall flower. You know, the girl who's there but not really there. Blending into the woodwork. When you meet me, I'm either SUPER quiet or SUPER loud. Most people would describe me as an extrovert. However - I AM NOT! I am an introvert.
I can be in a crowded room and feel totally alone. Like I'm on the outside, looking in. A misfit. Don't really belong anywhere... just 'floating'.
I feel like this at work. I feel like this at work. I feel like this in my own family sometimes.
Am I that different? Awkward?
Today I am hurting. Tired of feeling alone. Tired of looking from the outside. Tired of feeling as though I just don't belong. I am tired of hurting!
I will say that I wanted to binge - BIG TIME!! Oh, I was planning ways to run and get binge food while at work. Heck, I was tempted to stop on the way home and binge. But I fought the urge. I know that it would only make me feel worse.
Instead, I came home and had a good cry.
Tonight, I'll curl up on the couch, pretend I'm watching college football w/ The Mayor and then head to bed. Not an exciting night - but I'm not feeling very exciting right now.
Don't pity me. Don't feel sorry for me.. I simply ask that when you think of it - lift me up in prayer.