One thing remains.....

I survived last night's pity party. I'm still feeling a little 'down', but I had one of those CLARITY moments today.

Woke up with a GERD attack AND a migraine, so I wasn't able to go to work. I did manage to get out of bed for a few this morning... just enough to tune in to church. Yes, you read that right - I was able to TUNE into church.

They were in the middle of worshiping - my FAVORITE part of service. It's one way I feel totally connected to my Heavenly Father. Standing in the middle of a room, eyes closed tight, face up to heaven, arms stretched out.... I can 'feel' God hugging me.

I SO needed to hear this song. It was as if God selected it just for ME! It spoke straight to my heart.

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me


It's SO true... when I feel as though everyone else in my life has walked out - Jesus is still there IN the middle of everything. Loving on me.. embracing me. Comforting me. I just need to be willing to be still and accept it.

Enjoy!





Many blessings,

A good place to be...

So, I had a realization today.

Just because a person may have been important to me, doesn't mean I was important to them.

A year ago, this thought would have devastated me. So much of who I was a year ago was based mainly on my relationships. I defined myself by the friends I had.

Today, I fully acknowledge that I am more than that. There is more to me that just the relationshps that I have. The relationships I have are because of who I am, not the other way around.

I truly believe that God brings people into our lives for seasons. Some seasons last longer than others. I'm ok with that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for those whom God have brought into my life. I have learned lessons from everyone - some have been good lessons, some have been harsh lessons. Either way, those lessons have made me who I am.

Who am I?

It's your job to find out!

Many blessings,

I am a Christian.....

.....but that does not mean that I am perfect.

Far from perfection.

It does mean that I am saved by grace. No matter how many good works I do, that's not what will get me to heaven.

It isn't about an organized religion.
It's about a personal relationship with the one true God.

It's about knowing that when everyone else walks out of your life, Christ is always IN your life; by your side.

It doesn't mean my life will be with out trials.
It means that God will see me through those trials.

All too often we place people on pedestals, so high that when they fall, the fall is SO devastating. We forget that they are HUMAN... they will make mistakes.

We live in a broken world.. We are a broken people.

Many blessings,

Yikes! Too many life lessons.

Yeah - I've been a slacker, especially when it comes to updating my blog. Sorry.

I'd love to say that all has been great with me. Don't get me wrong - nothing serious has happened. God's really been piling on the life lessons lately.

Lesson #1: NOTHING is beneath me

I've been out of work for over a year now. Searching tirelessly online for a job. Got to the point where I'd apply for just about anything. Taco Bell was looking like a good career. Christmas is coming and the money would really come in handy - especially with unemployment running out. Then came the call - from WalMart. An interview. Ok... what could going to an interview hurt. I went. I was offered a job.

I pasted on a smile & headed to my 1st day at WalMart. Yet inside I went kicking & screaming. Seriously? WalMart? God wanted me to work at WalMart! Is this some kind of sick joke? God really has a GREAT sense of humor & He's using it at MY expense. That's the furthest from the truth. God provided. We asked for a job and that's exactly what He did. He gave me a job. One that would help my family through the holidays & even give us a little extra. Who was I to think that I was 'too good' to work at WalMart. Honestly, I'm enjoying it! It's a carefree kind of job there in the bakery (yeah, that's a whole OTHER lesson).

Lesson #2: I AM a food addict

If you're familiar with my blog, you've read that I am a food addict. I am a compulsive overeater. I have come to terms with my disease - for the most part. Getting a job in a BAKERY was yet another 'sick' joke. Sure - I wanted a job. But why put a compulsive overeater/food addict to work in a BAKERY! I was scared. I mean, frosting & croissants are a weakness of mine. I'll say it - they're a BINGE food.

Yet, I haven't had the desire to binge on either. Not a single temptation. I think maybe its because I was honest about my fear with friends at my meetings. I didn't hide it. Those who love me check up on me to see how I'm doing at this job.

Lesson #3: My body talks to me

All of our bodies talk to us. When you're hungry, when you're hot/cold... God's designed us that way. It is up to US to listen to our bodies & give it what it needs. I haven't been listening to my body. You know, when it tells me I'm full. I'm beyond full. Ok, I'm gonna explode if I put one more thing in my mouth.

Thanksgiving was the perfect example. I was smart about the day. Small breakfast, very light lunch in preparation for the feast that awaited me. However, seeing ALL of that food. I took a little bit of everything - even the vegetables. And I ate every speck of food on my plate. And then some. And then some more. Even dessert. And a 2nd piece of dessert. Yep - that did me in.

I got SO full that my body decided to revolt against my gluttonous feast. I ate until I puked. That was the 2nd time in 3 weeks that I had gotten to that point (that I can recall). So now, I've realized that my body talks to me and I HAVE to listen to my body. When it is hungry, eat. When it is full, STOP!

What life lessons are you learning?

Many blessings,
Allison

Psalm 23 revisited

I love the Bible... I love reading it. Historical stories, love letters, letters to the early churches, poems. It's a compilation of so many different types of writing, all God breathed.

Psalms are some of my favorites. Raw emotions & adoration to an all-powerful, all-loving God.

Psalm 23 is probably one of the most recognized Psalm in the world. You don't have to be a Christian or even a religious believer to know it. It is often read at funerals:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

However, this Sunday my view of that Psalm will forever be changed. It isn't about death at all... it's about life. About God's promises.

I won't do the sermon justice, so I encourage you to listen to it yourself. Head over to North Point Messages and listen to 'PROMISES'. Justin Grunewald dissects the Psalm and delivers it layman's terms that will really open your eyes.

What it all boils down to is this: God gives us promises. He wants to give us our heart's desire. He longs to have a relationship with us & provide for us. Psalm 23 is just a glimpse of His promises for us. Yet there is something that WE have to do.... for God to work those promises WE need to accept Him. The very first sentence is key!!!

The Lord is MY shepherd.

To many, He is THE shepherd, but He wants to be MY shepherd. Once He becomes my shepherd, he fulfills those promises.

Many blessings,
Allison

My revelation

Meditation: Voices of Recovery for August 16, 2010 - pg. 229

Another gentle reminder that I need to relinquish control DAILY and leave it with my Heavenly Father. Yes, my life may feel as though it is spiraling out of control, bu t the truth is God has everything under HIS control. I am just a passenger on this crazy drive called Life.

In real life, when the family goes on a long trip, I usually fall asleep. Mainly because I am tired, but also because I am not the one doing the driving - I am not the one in control. I have been asleep most of my life, allowing my disease to have the control. Now, I need to give that control over to God and enjoy the ride.

Just like on any road trip there will be detours, but God can make those detours manageable.

Many blessings,
Allison

Another new day!

'For brokenness to completely heal,
He has to stitch it up right.
The solid road to healing may be slower and more painful,
but in the end, it will be more complete.
Until then, all I know is God is with me.'
~ Christi Armstrong

After last night's pity party and only 3 hours of sleep, I woke this morning feeling renewed. I guess sometimes you just need to let a little emotion out in order to gain perspective.

True friendship is not limited by state lines. True friendship continues to grow even when the miles separate them. True friendship rooted in God is one that can last forever.

I have opted to have a good day today. Sure, I slept in for a little bit - mainly because I only had 3 hours of sleep. Sure, I got a late start, but once I got started it felt great to get out.

Dropped off some shirts to the cleaners, picked up a few groceries for a friend & then spent the afternoon enjoying the day. Chatting, dining, praying & shopping. Exactly what I needed to lighten my heart.

Kristin's move still stings my heart. It wouldn't have been a friendship if it didn't hurt. Yet I am putting my faith in God; trusting Him to heal my heart. The hole in my heart is God-sized & only HE can fill it.

Many blessings,
Allison

It's a new day...

I've been inspired today. Not quite sure why. Maybe it was the realization (again) that I am in the clutches of a powerful disease and the ONLY way to take away the power is to FULLY give it over to God.

I have been too focused on what I cannot control - to the point of utter frustration. I had my meeting tonight. Let me tell you, had I not been the leader tonight, I would have went home. The sliding doors at the meeting location were broken. So, I begrudgingly walked around to the back of the building to get in. No big deal, right? I mean, every other time the stupid sliding glass doors were broken, the back door was where we needed to go. NOT TONIGHT!! Nope, those doors were locked TOO! So were the next set of doors right next to them.

There I am, ANGRY as all heck, wheeling the material for the meeting and I'm ready to just go home. Well, not go RIGHT home - no, I was going to stop at Wally World for a little binge. I was willing (or at least contemplating) to give up my continued abstinence because a DOOR wouldn't open. Really? Seriously??

I called my sponsor who calmed me down & then saw a program friend and walked in with her. Did I really get that upset because a door wouldn't work? Because a door didn't open the way I expected it to?

Earlier in the week, I got upset because my expectations of people weren't being met. Yep, that's right. MY eating is out of control, so let me try to control those around me. That works!!! (NOT)

Tomorrow is a new day. I have remained abstinent, but need to really get back with the program. It's not just about maintaining my abstinence. It's about working the Steps. It's about connecting with God and working through this TOGETHER - not alone. I am not alone in this. I have my husband, children, family & friends, but most of all I have God. He will never leave me or forsake me.

Thankful list (6/20/10)

1. A loving & supportive husband
2. A safe place to talk about my disease
3. Opportunity to spend time with my children

Many blessings,
Allison

Anxiety

It's no secret. I'm an anxiety driven woman. I think I take after my paternal grandmother that way; not 'happy' unless I'm stressing over something.

Years ago, while living in New Jersey, I participated in a women's bible study at the church we were attending. The study was 'Calm My Anxious Heart'.Honestly, I have NO recollection of the study. It's not that it wasn't a good study. I just don't think that I 'needed' to HEAR it.

Here I am, about 6 years later and I NEED to hear it! While searching for a study for my married couples group, I came across my copy. We didn't choose it as our study, but I chose it as MY study. Actually, I'm just reading it right now. However, I've got my trusty pink highlighter with me as I read, underlining the things that really speak to me.

What an amazing study this is! Exactly what I needed - funny how God does that, isn't it?

I'm trying to meditate on Philippians 4:6:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Amazing.. He wants us to pray. Not just pray, but to pray with thanksgiving. Praying with thanksgiving is easy when things are going right. But trying to pray with thanksgiving during the tough times. I'm struggling with that. Yet I am thankful that God has given me another day. Another day with my family & friends and another day to grow closer to him.

I'm on a journey; a journey of contentment. It's not going to be easy, but it WILL be worth it! One of my favorite quotes from this book is:

Contentment occurs when Christ's strength is infused into my weak body, soul and spirit. ~ Calm My Anxious Heart, Linda Dillow

Sometimes we need to be broken to be made whole again.

Many blessings,
Allison

Finding 'footprints' in the trying times

If I were to paint a picture of my life so far, it would be a simple line chart. Showing the peaks & valleys that I've experienced. Looking back, I can see God's hand in each moment.

It's always SO much easier to praise Him in the good times; thanking Him for the many blessings. Yet in the hard times; the times where you just want to fade away, it is usually not until we are out of the woods that we can see God's hand.

Because of the life that I've lead, sometimes I think that it's a little easier for me to see God in my recent trials. He has seen me through some of the worst moments of my life, surely He we will see me through my current situation.

I want nothing more than to use those 'dips' in my life to help others. Tell them that they are not alone. Let them know that the 1st step is always the hardest, but the steps get a little easier as time goes by.

Several weeks ago, I responded to my very 1st hospital call. I'll admit, I was scared. I prayed every second I could and even called my mother for moral support. When I walked into that ER, a calming sense of peace came over me. Yes, I wanted to weep with the victim. Part of me wanted to share her pain. But then, God gave me this strength. He pulled that strength from my past - what I've been through. It was in THAT moment that I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

You may wonder why my title talks about 'footprints'. There's a beautiful poem called "Footprints in the Sand". At the end, God responds to the author that when only ONE set of footprints were seen, it was THEN that God was carrying them.

While my painting would be a simple line graph, in those valleys I can clearly see only one set of footprints. I may have felt alone, but I wasn't. God had me lovingly in his arms.

May you see His footprints in your life,

Allison

(Pity) Party's Over

This post started out VERY differently the other day. I was still wallowing in self-pity, begging for God to do something. But then an online friend reminded me of God's promise:

Matthew 6:25-33 (New International Version)

Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

That's right - don't worry. Not the Bobby Daran 'Don't worry, be happy', but the worry that accompanies the tough things in life. As long as we have God and we are seeking Him, then we shall not lack for anything. He always provides - it may not be what YOU want, but it's what HE knows you need. While I may think my life is insignificant to Him, I need to keep in mind that He created me because I AM significant to Him. He has my best interests at heart.

May you seek his kingdom in the good & bad times,
Allison