Yikes! Too many life lessons.

Yeah - I've been a slacker, especially when it comes to updating my blog. Sorry.

I'd love to say that all has been great with me. Don't get me wrong - nothing serious has happened. God's really been piling on the life lessons lately.

Lesson #1: NOTHING is beneath me

I've been out of work for over a year now. Searching tirelessly online for a job. Got to the point where I'd apply for just about anything. Taco Bell was looking like a good career. Christmas is coming and the money would really come in handy - especially with unemployment running out. Then came the call - from WalMart. An interview. Ok... what could going to an interview hurt. I went. I was offered a job.

I pasted on a smile & headed to my 1st day at WalMart. Yet inside I went kicking & screaming. Seriously? WalMart? God wanted me to work at WalMart! Is this some kind of sick joke? God really has a GREAT sense of humor & He's using it at MY expense. That's the furthest from the truth. God provided. We asked for a job and that's exactly what He did. He gave me a job. One that would help my family through the holidays & even give us a little extra. Who was I to think that I was 'too good' to work at WalMart. Honestly, I'm enjoying it! It's a carefree kind of job there in the bakery (yeah, that's a whole OTHER lesson).

Lesson #2: I AM a food addict

If you're familiar with my blog, you've read that I am a food addict. I am a compulsive overeater. I have come to terms with my disease - for the most part. Getting a job in a BAKERY was yet another 'sick' joke. Sure - I wanted a job. But why put a compulsive overeater/food addict to work in a BAKERY! I was scared. I mean, frosting & croissants are a weakness of mine. I'll say it - they're a BINGE food.

Yet, I haven't had the desire to binge on either. Not a single temptation. I think maybe its because I was honest about my fear with friends at my meetings. I didn't hide it. Those who love me check up on me to see how I'm doing at this job.

Lesson #3: My body talks to me

All of our bodies talk to us. When you're hungry, when you're hot/cold... God's designed us that way. It is up to US to listen to our bodies & give it what it needs. I haven't been listening to my body. You know, when it tells me I'm full. I'm beyond full. Ok, I'm gonna explode if I put one more thing in my mouth.

Thanksgiving was the perfect example. I was smart about the day. Small breakfast, very light lunch in preparation for the feast that awaited me. However, seeing ALL of that food. I took a little bit of everything - even the vegetables. And I ate every speck of food on my plate. And then some. And then some more. Even dessert. And a 2nd piece of dessert. Yep - that did me in.

I got SO full that my body decided to revolt against my gluttonous feast. I ate until I puked. That was the 2nd time in 3 weeks that I had gotten to that point (that I can recall). So now, I've realized that my body talks to me and I HAVE to listen to my body. When it is hungry, eat. When it is full, STOP!

What life lessons are you learning?

Many blessings,
Allison

I feel free..

I always talk about being transparent. I find that it is fairly easy to be transparent on my blog because 1) does anyone actually read this & 2) will I ever really meet you in real life.

But tonight was a test of my transparency.

I went to my 2nd OA meeting. The 1st one was painless so I decided to go back for more. Amazingly enough, still painless. However, when you participate in speaking of any sort, most people introduce themselves "Hi my name is.... and I am a compulsive over-eater" (remember this is based upon AA).

I have no problem blogging about my eating problem and I've gotten a LITTLE better with saying it to friends & family. It's the whole admitting it to a group of strangers that I take issue with. I'm SO afraid that they're all going to GASP at my announcement (yes, I know full well that everyone there struggles with compulsive over-eating. That's not the point.)

But tonight, I did it. "My name is Allison and I am a compulsive over-eater". Imagine my 'surprise' when no one gasped or ran in horror. I was simply greeted with a friendly "Hi Allison".

It's a baby step.. one of many steps I need to take. But it felt SO freeing to finally admit it publicly.

I look forward to my next meeting.

Many blessings,
Allison

I did it!

Did that title make you want to read this?? Hahahaha! I hope so.

Well, part of my To Do List of 2010 was to attend at least 2 OA meetings a month. Tonight, I attended my 1st meeting.

It was interesting. I liked it. I'll definitely be going back - probably more than twice a month.

It's nice to see that there are other people who are struggling with the same addiction as I am: compulsive overeating.

I've got a way to go... but they say that admitting you have a problem is the 1st step of recovery. I know its going to be a lifelong battle, but I can do it. With the support of my family & friends. Of course, all things are possible with GOD.

Here's to progress!

Many blessings,
Allison

I NEED your prayers!

Today is the 1st day of the rest of my life!!

I haven't even told my husband this (feel privileged). I am taking control of my life (at least the aspects that I CAN control).

I am obese. My BMI as of today is 45 (at least according to an online assessment). So, I can sit around & do nothing OR I can do something.

This is going to be a battle for me. Food is my addiction! I've said it before, I binge. And when I binge, I hide. Well, I can't hide anymore. I'm writing this post so that my friends (RL & online) can keep me accountable.

I've got some Weight Watcher stuff around the house from when I did it a few years ago. I'll be busting that out tomorrow & get started.

My 10% goal is: 32 pounds. Right now, I'm gonna focus on 1 pound at a time.

In addition to doing WW, I WILL be going to at least 2 Over-eater Anonymous meetings each month. Like I said, food is my addiction. I'm going to need help.

I feel like I've been asking for a lot of prayer lately, but I come before you a broken woman who needs your prayers & support.

Thank you for loving me!

Many blessings,
Allison

One BIG happy family?

Tonight, while babysitting a friend's children, I was flipping through channels. There's not much on, that's for sure!!! I came across a new reality show called 'One BIG Happy Family' on TLC. I'm not one for these types of shows, where people exploit their families for the sake of a few bucks. Yet this one drew me in - not to the point where I'll be tuning in each week, but enough that I watched 2 episodes last night.

The show is about a family; mother, father, 16-year old daughter & 14-year old son, ALL weighing over 300 pounds. They all seem very comfortable & happy in their own skin, however you soon learn that their health is in jeopardy. The 14-year old boy is on the verge of diabetes & the father isn't doing to well either. It seems that this show will follow their journey as they decide to make the necessary changes to their lives in order to lose the weight & become healthy.

At one point during the show, they went to a water park. When they tried to go on one of the rides, they saw that they weren't going to be able to. It was a 2 person ride, with a weigh limit of 400 pounds & no single riders allowed. They graciously accepted this fact & decided to move on. However, the teens/people in the background started to call them all names - fatty, tubby, etc. THAT broke my heart. But this family shrugged it off as no big deal.

It is a big deal... no matter how much you try to not let it get to you, it hurts!

This show was a like a mirror for me. I am overweight - morbidly obese if I'm really honest with myself & you. I need to do something. Sure, I might be healthy now, but all of that can go downhill within months because of the weight.

For now, I'll start with prayer & research. Prayer that God gives me the strength to overcome this addiction - because food is a VERY REAL addiction. Research on how to do it right, with support from others.

I'm in for quite a journey, no doubt one that God is going to use to His glory. Should be an interesting ride. You'll just have to 'tune' in to see how I'm doing.

Many blessings,
Allison

The update post

PRAISE GOD!!! That's the only 2 words that I can come up with that fully describe just how good He is.

Yesterday's procedure went well. My friend, Kristin, was sweet enough to be my designated driver – since I was considered to be 'under the influence' for the entire day. Conveniently enough, we both wore the same color shirt – good thing she got the memo. Hahahaha!!!

Because my veins like to cooperate – HA! - it only took FOUR tries to put the IV in. Thankfully the nurses use lidocaine to numb the area BEFORE putting in the IV. My right arm looks like I've been shooting up heroin (I watch Intervention) and my right hand looks like I've been in a fist fight – they blew a vein and now the knuckles are all black & blue.

Right before they put me under, they asked me if there was anything I would like to say to the doctor before I went to sleep. My brain was screaming to say 'God bless you', but being that he was middle eastern (and in charge of sticking a camera down my throat) and figured I would hold off. Instead, I prayed silently.

I am still awaiting the results of my biopsy, however I did get the WONDERFUL news that I do not have Barrett's Esophagus or Esophageal Cancer. Right now we're continuing with the GERD diagnosis until I go to the allergist next Thursday.

The 2nd update that I want to give you is on Alaina. If you haven't been checking Stephanie's blog, then you are MISSING out!! Alaina is a feisty little stinker just like her mother. God continues to heal this little girl and it sounds like she will be able to go home in about 2 weeks. Thank you for all of the prayers. While Alaina still has a way to go, it's wonderful to see just how far along she has come in her short life.

Many blessings,
Allison