I haven't blogged in almost a week. I'd like to say that I've been SO busy that I just couldn't find the time. That would be a BIG lie. Instead, I've been hiding from the world. Thought it would be SO much easier to deal with life by hiding instead of actually dealing with it head on. Man, that's a stinky lesson to learn.
I'm angry - again. I'm angry at this stupid disease! I'm angry that there isn't a cure; only recovery. You would think that I would be happy with recovery; I'm sure I will be one day. Today, however, I want a cure! I'm not gonna get one. There's no happy magic pill that will poof away this disease. I need to be in the trenches, everyday, fighting it.
Most days, I'm up for the fight. This week, I decided to just roll over & play dead. What do I get for playing dead? Nothing! Everything is STILL there waiting to be worked on. Only NOW the emotions are SO raw.
I have had 7 days of abstinence and I am proud of that. Especially since this past week was a rough week for me. Yet, the abstinence wasn't a fulfilling accomplishment for me. Instead of REALLY abstaining (fighting for that abstinence) I just hid from food. Not healthy either. That just keeps me in this disease.
Darn it - I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!!
Tomorrow is another day. God will see me through it - He's amazingly faithful like that.
Thankful List (5/2/10)
~ Sunday night meetings
~ Finding a bathing suit I WANT to wear
~ A husband that is willing to listen to my insanity