Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I am SO angry

It's not a good night for me. I broke abstinence without even realizing it. To make matters worse, once I realized it, I kept on breaking it. Why? Because I am ANGRY!

Initially, I broke my abstinence because I was frustrated; frustrated with my daughter. For the past few weeks, she has been so nonchalant about her homework. "Oh, I didn't do it - oh well." After we punished for for over a week, she did it again. Really? What are we doing wrong? What will it take to get her to listen?

So, I head to my meeting (while Zumba is on a break I've been attending a Tuesday night meeting). On the way there, I stopped off for a soda. Then I decided to 'treat' myself - BAD IDEA! I ate the entire package of mini chocolate donuts. I had just had dinner - not hungry at all. In fact, I was quite satisfied. But I ate those donuts anyway. At meeting, we read something which totally clicked for me. I mindlessly ate because I was frustrated.

To make matters worse, I learned that my very best friend is heading to Iowa. Her husband is in the running for a job there. So they are going to check things out. Of course, I need to be brutally honest! I told her that I hope she had a safe trip, but hope she hated it and that she couldn't find a house. Great friend I am, right??? Later I apologized to her. She said she was thankful for my honesty - I still felt bad.

I came home, ate an ice pop, waited for my husband to go to bed. Then I ate a chocolate chip cookie and a bowl of cereal. Why? Because I am sad. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and the only thing that I can control is what I eat.

How foolish! I am NOT in control of my food. My disease is. I've taken that control back from God and given it right back to my illness. Really?? Again? Am I feeling any better now that I've eaten? Nope!!! I feel sick to my stomach from OVER eating and those feelings are still there - combined with the feelings of knowing that I broke abstinence.

Here's to tomorrow!

Many blessings,


Linda said...

You can start again...it is not too late. Today is the first day of the rest of your life! (:>)

Treat yourself to a bunch of flowers from the supermarket when you are feeling low. Go for a ride and listen to your favorite music and look up to the blue sky and thank God for all of your blessings.

Read blogs and pray for the ones that need it. Laugh with those who are rejoicing and weep with those who weep. Just get your mind on other people and off of the pain and anger you are feeling.

I think your being honest, and that's good. Let out those feelings and then think of them as baloons being set free into the sky...and watch them float away!

Have a better day...and hang in there.
I have every confidence in you and your abilities. (:>)

(I am writing this as much for me as you...I don't consider myself a huge overeater, but I do splurge too often and need to lose a bunch of weight.)

Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Muthering Heights said...

I'm sorry it was such a rough day!!!

Thank goodness that tomorrow is a fresh start...recommit! You can do it!