For a week now, I've been struggling with being 'found out'. You know, that secret stash of stuff (food containers) that I keep in my trunk. My empties.
After a great meeting on Sunday and some tough love from my sponsor, I finally took the bull by the horns. I, temporarily, disabled my disease (at least for today). I picked up my daughter from a friend's house, went into my trunk & gathered my empties.
I could have done so many different things with them, but I chose to 'out' myself to my husband. He is my safe place. I know that he will love me in spite of my disease.
I think he may have been expecting 'more' than what I showed him. There were only 3 things. But those 3 things represent the countless OTHER things that I have hid from him.
How do I feel? Anxious, shameful and free. He loves me. He's happy that I shared this with him, but he's scared for me. I can understand that.
I feel like I'm on a Chutes & Ladders game board. A few steps forward, climb up a ladder, maybe slide down a bit. But each time I need to pick myself back up, dust myself off & play again.
Thanks for sharing this journey with me.