It's been a week of mixed emotions, yet no real binges. I guess that is an accomplishment for me. I can't totally say that I was abstinent, but I didn't binge. Heck, I'm having a tough time trying to figure out what my trigger foods are. It changes day to day.
The real BIGGIE for me was realizing that I was going to be 'found out'. It's easy to sit here on my computer and tell you that I am a compulsive over eater. I can even admit that to my IRL friends & family. It's a totally different thing letting people SEE the stuff I binge on.
My heart knows that people will still love me - maybe even love me more. My head, the sickness, says otherwise. But my sponsor said something to me this week that struck a cord "Your sickness is only as powerful as your secret".
Does that mean I'm ready to pour it all out for you? No, sorry. I'm just not there yet. BUT, I have began talking about it in a safe environment. With the love & support of my program friends and God, I know that one day (hopefully soon) I will be able to share it with my family, friends & you.
My bible verse for today:
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13
I need to constantly & consistently remember that. Even if every person in my life were to walk out, I am still loved by the One above. He will see me through.
My song for today:
I have a blessed life.. I just need to keep that in mind every day. As for this disease, I just need to take it one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow, just focus on today.
3/22/10 Thankful List
- The friendship in program
- The love & support of my family, friends & readers
- The simple phrase "I Love You"