Sunday, February 1, 2009

Confirmation from God

A few years ago, I had my dream job. I worked for my church in the IT department. Granted, I wasn't exactly using my knowledge to its fullest, I was still really happy. I LOVED getting up in the morning to go to work. I was a contractor, but it was something that could turn into a permanent position.

Then my world came crashing down. I was told that not only was the position not going to be permanent, but the contract was ending early. The reason? There was just something about my personality that they didn't like. They couldn't put their finger on it.

I can take constructive criticism. It may take me a few to absorb it & move on, but I still listen. In fact, during my whole time employed there, I was 'spoken to' a few times about changes I needed to make (wardrobe, volume, etc). Each time they spoke to me, I listened & did what was asked. But how do you work on something when they are so vague about it.

I'll admit it, I was angry. Pissed to be exact! This destroyed my already fragile ego. I wanted to stop going to church, but I realized that it wasn't church that did anything to me. It was people. I tried really hard to not let that ruin my walk with God & the friendships I had made at church.

It has bothered me since. But today.... today I learned that it wasn't really about me. It wasn't that there was something wrong with MY personality. I met a person today who was hired after me. They let her go for the SAME reason!!!!

A weight has been lifted off of me! There's nothing wrong with MY personality! I just didn't gel with the person I was working for... quite frankly, I'm not sure if there is someone out there who would. The woman I talked with today is a great person. Sweet, hard working. To know that she was given the same reasons, well, I realized that it just wasn't me. Something my friends & family have been trying to tell me, but I needed that confirmation from God.

There's nothing wrong with my personality. I am me! The me that God designed. Yeah, I may talk loud and be a little sarcastic at the wrong time, but that is me. Those who matter most accept that.

Thank you God for that realization. I needed it. Even after 2 years.

Many blessings,

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