Monday, August 16, 2010

Believing He will carry me

The Mayor, Songbird & Slugger are officially back to school. BFF & her family are officially in Iowa. I am officially an emotional mess!

I feel SO needy right now and I HATE that feeling. It's just another form of feeling out-of-control. We all know how great I am at that!

For the most part, my food has been good. I've managed to eat my 3 meals and not binge. Did have a little slip up, but nothing that resulted in a catastrophic binge.

However, today has been the hardest for me emotionally. It was really weird not seeing BFF & her kids at church. A reminder of this new chapter in my life that I am not actively seeking; it's been thrust upon me.

It feels even more strange to tell people that I am upset because my best friend moved. Man, that sounds SO high school. It looks stupid even as I type it out. Yet I feel abandoned. I know I'm not. BFF is just a phone call away - of course I'm coming up with every excuse I can think of to not 'bother' her. My pathetic attempt to pull away. Then, of course, if a friend can't meet for Starbucks or go to a meeting with me, I sink even LOWER into my pity party. Clearly they don't want to be around me.

Foolish, foolish thinking on my part... really, it's my diseased mind talking. Attempting to convince myself that eating or sleeping away the pain is the best course of action. That is SO tempting too.... But I can't allow that to happen.

I feel fragile right now... emotionally; spiritually. I am trying really hard to cling to God. Trying to not close my heart to what lies ahead. Knowing that HE will see me through this. This is all a part of His plan; I just need to trust & jump in His arms. He will carry me...



And THAT is what I needed to hear....

Many blessings,
Allison

1 comment:

Barbie said...

I am so sorry you are going through this hard time. Ironically, my best friend, whose name is also Kristin, moved to Phoenix about 4 years ago and I thought I would die. But I've survived. It will get better. Lean on God. He will get you through.