It's amazing really. I want nothing more in life but to travel to different high schools, colleges, churches and tell my story. Stand in front of a bunch of strangers and basically bare my soul. Sure, I'd be nervous. Who wouldn't be? But knowing that it would help just 1 person would make it totally worth while for me.
Yet, I've signed up to be part of a mom's group... right now we're reading & discussing 'Boundaries with Kids'. What's the big deal about sitting around chatting with fellow moms about this book? EVERYTHING. Every week I have to talk myself INTO going. The thought of being in a room with a group of women that I just don't know scares the bejeesus out of me. Seriously to the point of almost having an anxiety attack the one week.
These are fellow moms. Moms who are there for the same purpose I am - learn more about how to get a handle on this Mom thing.
Tonight..... yeah. I got there late. I was about 2 minutes from NOT going. I mean, my son had a baseball game. What kind of mother would miss her son's baseball game (as if there aren't 8 others to go)? Heck, I couldn't even remember the name of the street I needed to get to. Wasn't even sure if I remembered the directions and, of course, our computer wasn't working so I couldn't MapQuest for directions.
As I drove, I prayed. God, please help me to calm down. Help me to open up to this group and allow myself to enjoy this experience. Help me to be open to making new friends. No one can replace Kristin (my best friend who moved), but I can allow other people into my life. Help me to stick with this. An immediate sense of peace washed over me. As I drove, I remembered where I was & found the house without ANY problems.
Sure I was a few minutes late, but I am SO glad I went. I enjoyed the 2 chapters we were discussing and could really use some insight into how to apply them to my life. One of the hard parts for me right now is that I am one of the only moms in my group with children over the age of 5. I'm struggling with the 'tween' years while all of the other moms are dealing with younger ones.
They were all so kind and allowed me to share, assuring me that they needed to hear what I was saying because one day they too will be where I am.
This is going to be a slow process, but I am going to stick this out. This will be good for me, emotionally & spiritually. I need this.... not a b*tch session about my kids or hubby, but a REAL opportunity to talk to other moms about raising children.
I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. On the surface, I may look calm & collected but underneath I am like a duck in a pond - paddling like mad.