Willing to be willing

Big realization today. You know, a light bulb moment.

I've been doing program half-assed. Deep down, I guess I've known for a while, but I am now finally willing to admit it out loud. Reading chapter 5 in the AA big book has been eye opening. I need to stop expecting perfection & focus only on my progress. And I have made AMAZING progress. I can't remember the last time I binged.

I consistently have 3 REAL meals a day, making wise choices most of the time. Yes, I call my sponsor at least once a day, but I do not make my other calls regularly. I need to stop thinking about the 'what ifs' and just call. If it's not a good time, they'll tell me.

I'll read occasionally, especially when my sponsor has given me an assignment. But other than that, nothing. I haven't been journaling the way I should either. Every day I think of my 3 positives, but seldom write them down. No quiet time with God either.

I've made 2 calls so far today. Left 1 message & spoke with the other person. I jumped out of my comfort zone & called 2 people that I have never called before, but always wanted to. As uncomfortable as it was to dial the phone, it felt great after because I did step out.

Heavenly Father, thank you for not giving up on me even when I had given up on myself. Thank you for the gentle reminders of your love. Help me to be willing to work this program the way YOU want me to work it. Even when I fall, remind me that I can't give up. Thank you for bringing people into my life who genuinely want to see me succeed in this program.

I commit to:

• reading daily from the AA big book at least 4 pages.
• doing my assignments in a timely manner
• hitting my knees in prayer daily BEFORE noon
• journaling daily - either in my journal or on my blog
• calling 3 people daily, other than my sponsor.

Thankful 7/23/10

~ relaxing vacation
~ renewed commitment
~ my sponsor for letting me figure this out at my own pace

Many blessings,
Allison