August 18, 1992
I spend some time with L last night. Quality time alone. Something we both needed together. We just kind of watched tv, cuddled, kissed and comforted. It's such a great feeling to be cared for by someone other than your parents.
Even though the only relationship we truly share is a deep friendship, sometimes we are helpful as brief companions. I care for him so deeply - there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. We support each other; if we disagree, we let the other know. I believe this is the beginning of an adult friendship.
Oh, this was the furthest thing from an adult friendship. Once again, here I am trying to use intimacy as a way to make a guy like me. I mean, if I'm willing to 'put out' he'll fall in love with me, right? WRONG!!!
One thing I have learned is that intimacy is something that should be special. Not something given away to anyone who may be remotely interested. Why you ask? Biblically, God intended sex to be between 1 man and 1 woman who are married to each other. It's more than just a physical connection. That's mere minutes... but there is also an emotional connection; a spiritual connection. Those connections last a lifetime. You don't forget them. Every time you give yourself away to someone that isn't your spouse, you lose a piece of yourself. A piece you can't get back.
Dear one..... protect your heart! Please! I can't beg you enough. Your heart... your body is worth more than diamonds. Not something that should be taken lightly. Love yourself. Believe me. There is someone out there for you that God has set aside.
In the years since this entry, I have learned to look at myself through the lens of God. He sees me as special. Beautiful. Worth dying for. Trust me, I don't always see myself this way. Sometimes I have more good days and sometimes I have more bad days, but when I can see myself through His Eyes, all of the hurt and pain that you read in my journal entries goes away. He heals my broken heart & binds up my wounds (Psalm 147:3).
We (me & you) don't have to suffer in shame. I can hold my head up high regardless of what my past is. He wipes away the past. Picture a chalkboard (or a dry-erase board for the younger generation). You write on it and then you can completely erase what you've written. Never to be seen again. God's redemption is just like that.