Fifteen

On a stormy Sunday 15 years ago, I married the Mayor. Little did I know what was in store for us or our marriage.

This Friday will mark 15 years that we have been married. I would love to say that every day has been  wedded bliss, but that would be lying. We have had our ups & downs. I will also admit that there was a time where I think we both considered divorce. Life wasn't the "happily ever after" that the stories promise.

What have I learned these 15 years?

Marriage takes work. There is no such thing as 'happily ever after'. Life doesn't just CLICK once you are married. You have to WORK for your marriage. Every hour of every day. He is going to do things that just drive you batty. Things will get in the way of your love. Children happen. Work happens. Life happens.

Shortly before we moved, the Mayor and I were living separately. Not physically separately, but emotionally. He had his life and I had mine. The only thing we had in common were our children. We had our  families fooled. I'm pretty sure we had our friends fooled. We were 2 people living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, but living 2 completely different lives. Instead of clinging to one another, focusing on God, we focused on anything but. He gave his heart to the fire department and I gave my heart elsewhere.

Moving was what saved our marriage. We moved 12 hours away. No family. No friends. No distractions. Just me, the Mayor, Songbird & Slugger. It was sink or swim time.

We found a church home. We found a small group. We found each other.

I would marry the Mayor all over again for I know that he is the one my soul loves (Song of Solomon 3:4) God has brought some wonderful people into our lives who have spoken truth. They have been transparent about their own marriage, their successes and their failures. We are not alone in our struggles.

Each of us has learned to put God first and foremost in our lives. As we focus on Christ, we are able to give grace to those around us.

While I have regrets of things I have done in my marriage, I know that they have strengthened my resolve to work and fight for it. Divorce is NOT in our vocabulary - unless we are talking about other couples. We are working on being examples to our children.

I'm not gonna lie. It's hard work. But I promise that it is worth the effort.

Happy Anniversary to the Mayor. Here's to another 75 years!

Many blessings,

Eye opening

Seems like God's got something to say to me and I am just not sitting still enough to listen to Him. You know, REALLY listen to Him.

Today was my mom's group, Birds on a Wire. As I said yesterday, slowly but surely I am starting to break out of my shell at this group. It really is nice to be around women who have kids around the same age as Songbird & Slugger. Some even have college aged kids - which tells me there is hope!

Our topic today "I am a bad mom"... Well, not really that we're bad moms, but the lie that we believe. I'll freely admit it, I regularly compare myself to other moms, telling myself that if I was only like so and so, I'd be a much better mother.

The area that I often struggle with the most is the fact that I am a working mom. I have worked outside of the home pretty much since our children were born. Mainly out of financial necessity, but also because I need to be someone other than mom/wife.

God revealed something through Karen, our speaker/leader/mentor, that sung to my heart. God designed us to be the person we are. He also designed our children to be the people who they are. He perfectly suited us to be Mom to our children - whether through birth, adoption, fostering.

Then she shared a Bible passage. One that I have heard before. In fact, it is often used to defend the Pro Life stand.

Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body,
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

Yet this time we focused on the last part.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Not just my days were ordained, but my children's days were ordained. God hand selected me and The Mayor to parent these wonderful children. He knew that before ANY of us were formed. That's powerful stuff.

Instead of worrying what others think of me as a mother, I need to look to God to teach me to parent. He is the ultimate Father. He is our Heavenly Father. I don't know about you, but that takes a LOT of pressure off of me.

Needless to say, I am once again thankful that I managed to push myself out of my comfort zone and start attending this group. I've even decided to sign up for the Spring session...

Many blessings,

  
    

At arms length

I had a conversation with a friend the other day. It was eye opening for me. Possibly even life changing.

She had sent me an email simply titled "Our Friendship". My crazy, diseased mind went straight toward the bad. I thought for sure that she was going to tell me that we should no longer be friends. That I had done some horrible, inexcusable act that destroyed our friendship.

I was pleasantly surprised. She was thanking me for our friendship. Telling me what a blessing it has been.

We chatted quickly about the email the other day. She said to me that I've closed myself off to people ever since BFF moved.

POW!

It's one thing to know on the inside that you've closed yourself off. It's something totally different to hear someone validate it. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Have I been in a 2 year friendship depression?

Looking back, I have to say YES. Yes, I have been. I can honestly say that I have closed most of my heart to friends around me out of fear that they will leave. Gosh - writing that makes it sound SO juvenile.

Where do I go from here?

I put my heart out there. I freely give it over to God. He will protect my heart and lead me to the friendships that He has in store for me.

That's begins tomorrow... tomorrow is the next meeting of my moms of tweens/teens group, Birds on a Wire. It's time to be transparent. I know I am not the only woman going through this. It's time to put it out there. God has brought me to this group for a reason. Now I am open to what He has in store.

Opening my heart doesn't mean my friendship with BFF ends. She will always have a special place in my heart. Nothing can change that. But it is time to build new friendships. Allow for genuine friendship with others. It's not a betrayal of our friendship.. It only will strengthen what we have.

I am so thankful to my dear friend who had enough love for our friendship to make such a bold, yet true statement. I pray that God brings others into my life who will speak truth out of love.

I have hope!

Many blessings,