Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't want the time off with my family. Oh, I do! My crazy overtime work schedule has given us little time together this summer. It's not that I'm not looking forward to the time with my in-laws. I am. We usually see them once a year. Instead of them coming to us, we are meeting them for a week at the beach. Even my brother-in-law & his family will be there. We certainly don't see them enough. Maybe once every 3-4 years when we go to NJ.
No.. that's not what has me freaking out about vacation. Nope. It's me.
MIL had a great idea of having family pictures done on the beach. Everyone wearing the same colors - white tops & denim bottoms). Yeah. I don't wear white. Ever since I grew boobs & had to start wearing a bra, I've tried to avoid white. Even when I was super skinny in high school/college. I was a tomboy. Didn't want the guys to see that I wore a bra. Stupid - I know. But still.
Now that I'm a LOT heavier than I was in high school/college, I avoid white because it's not usually a very flattering color for a plus size girl. Even my wedding dress wasn't truly white. So you can imagine my horror when I was told we needed to wear a white shirt. I don't even own a white shirt. Actually, none of my family does - because we're fairly messy eaters.
Yesterday we went shopping. It was my only day off this week. I was NOT looking forward to trying to white shirts. Little did I know I was in for an even BIGGER surprise.
I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror. We don't own any in our home. I'm content with viewing myself from the waist up. If I want to see my lower half, I just look down. Yeah... now I know WHY we don't have any full length mirrors.
I am large. Certainly not the image I had of myself in my mind. The only word that keeps coming to my mind is body dysmorphic disorder. I know I do not have that... I just have an unrealistic picture of myself in my mind. I still think I look like how I did in my wedding pictures - which was 100 pounds lighter.
Then we went shopping for shorts - because white shirts weren't enough. Yeah... My legs don't look as nice as I thought they did. I mean, I am 5'11". Not a short woman. But my legs - I swear I was a short, fat little person. My legs didn't belong on my body. No. They should have belonged to my grandmother when she was alive & overweight.
The only saving grace for the day was finding new bras. It's amazing how a new bra can boost your confidence. Not that I'm suddenly looking forward to wearing that white shirt in the family pictures. But at least my boobs will look perky.
So, I am trying to go into this vacation with a positive attitude. I am positive that I am going to enjoy the time with my family without any interruptions from work. They can call all they want... I won't be answering. Instead, I'm going to have a fun date night my my beloved, The Mayor. I plan on taking a ton of pictures of my beautiful family. I certainly plan on sitting poolside,well, sitting IN the pool and relaxing. Maybe even venture into the ocean. Though don't hold your breath.
Thanks for letting me ramble on.
Many blessings,
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