As many of you know, I've been struggling with an eating disorder for quite some time. I was doing really well in 'The Program', however I've slipped off the wagon.
Ever since working at Wal-Mart in the bakery, it's been a downhill slide.
Yesterday, I can honestly say that I broke abstinence. If you don't remember, abstinence is the equivalent of sobriety in alcoholism. I did not eat a single meal until dinner time. By the time dinner rolled around, I was SO out of it. I felt weak, shaky, light headed.
Sadly, I went out in public this way.
Justin's baseball team had their 1st tournament game last night. There are blocks of time, just a few minutes, that I blacked out. I have no memory. Then there was my attitude. Oh heavens! I became my worst nightmare - I became annoying baseball mom!
I was loud, obnoxious, rude, crass. Horrific to be quite honest. Looking back, I cannot believe it was me. I mean, I was threatened to be thrown out of the game by one of the umps!! So out of character for me.
Today, I am committing to eating my 3 meals a day - no matter what! Even if its just a quick piece of toast for breakfast. I cannot allow my body to get to the point that it was yesterday. Never again.
It was a humbling experience, I will say that. As soon as we got home from the game, I automatically went to the team's webpage and apologized to the parents for my behavior.
Today is a new day. Yesterday didn't happen. Only today is what matters.
We have another game today... I've already eaten breakfast. Darn these life lessons.