Monday, October 6, 2008

Ready or not: Here I come!!

Several months ago, I filled out an application online to be a volunteer at a local rape crisis center. I never thought of it again. Recently, I have been contacted by the center to begin training. I’m SO excited!! This is exactly the road that I feel led to be on.

A few road bumps have surfaced, but I am doing my best to counteract them; scheduling issues mainly. Yet I feel that I need to do this. This is a great beginning for me.

I’ve started having reservations. Do I really want to air my ‘dirty laundry’ for the world to know? I mean, I am not famous – at all! However, this can impact my family. Right now, my children do not know that part of my life (they’re too young), but eventually they will. Will they be alright with me telling my story? Hubby is VERY supportive – just cautious because he does not want it to affect me in a negative way. That’s understandable.

Then last night I had a revelation. I was chatting with the women in my small group, talking about Pivotal Circumstances. One of them said that I was brave for wanting to go public with my story. I finally realized that it’s not about bravery or even me.

Rape is about control, domination. A rapist isn’t getting off because of the sex, but because o f the control he has over his victim. By being fearful of telling my story, I am continuing to let my abusers have control over me 15 years after the abuse ended. Control that I have fought tooth & nail to regain for myself. I will NOT give that up.

So, I am going to suck it up & I am going to do this training – whether I feel equipped or not. God is in control & He’s watching over me. He will protect my heart & my mind and with His help, I will use the worst years of my life to help others.

Many blessings,

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