I've been quiet lately. Honestly, I haven't been motivated. 'Tis the season I guess.
Why am I breaking my silence now? Well, because I need to say this out loud.
One of my biggest fears is losing my husband. I have had vivid dreams of such. That The Mayor has realized just how crazy I am and can't take it anymore.
It's been quite a while since I've had those types of dreams. Until recently. The past 2 days I have had nightmares of this loss. These dreams are debilitating. I wake up feeling the dread. It crushes my chest.
I must have really been dreaming last night. When I woke up, The Mayor asked if I had had bad dreams. He said I was crying in my sleep.
I know that these dreams are simply the enemy's way of trying to get me to doubt my marriage and the bond that we have.
The enemy has been working overtime lately. My feelings and thoughts of self-doubt have been running rampant. Loser wife, terrible mother, failure as a woman, not having a job, not helping around the house. Add the fact that Christmas is an emotional time for me (since it was the last time I saw my father alive) and I am a mess. But that's how the enemy tries to hold me down. If I get into my head and believe the lies he's telling me then I will crawl in a hole and hide.
By voicing what has been going on, I am removing its power over me. I will NOT allow it to have power.
My husband loves me exactly the way I am.
My children appreciate the time I spend with them.
I will remember the wonderful memories of Christmas with my father.
God will provide the job He wants me to have. I need to be patient.
I will NOT believe the lies.
Many blessings,
