Several months ago, I admitted that I was a closet binger. Yes, it’s wonderful to be able to admit your problem, but it takes more than that. Last night, I finally admitted to my adoring husband that I had a problem with food. While I didn’t go into detail about my binging & hiding (what I ate), I admitted that it was a problem and one that he really is not aware of, especially the severity of it.
Now, my first step is to get help; professional help. This is more than just not eating healthy. This is about changing my mindset; realizing that I need to stop using food as a crutch and start leaning more & more on God. I am looking into Overeaters Anonymous. Of course, there are only 2 in my area & they meet at inconvenient times, but I have to make the sacrifice.
I am prepared for a battle. Satan has a hold on this area of my life – I realize that now. Not only will I seek out the help of OA, but I am seeking your prayers. I honestly do not know how many (if any) people read my blog, but for those of you who do I would appreciate your prayers. This is going to be a battle – I need strength. Please feel free to share bible verses with me or anything else that comes to mind.
Thank you for your support.
Many blessings,
Allison
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Confessions of a closet binger
“Hello, my name is Allison & I’m a closet binger.”
It’s weird to type that. But they say that admitting your problem is half the battle.
I haven’t always been heavy. In fact, looking back on my teens, I was skinny. Maybe too skinny at some point. I was athletic too; softball, basketball, track. Now I can barely walk to my car in the parking lot.
When did it all change? When did I start using food to comfort me?
It was my early 20’s. After several years of abuse, I needed to hide. The best way to hide – become fat. I don’t think I gained weight on purpose, but I know that my love affair with food began because I was feeling like garbage. Garbage in, garbage out as they say.
Even now, at 36, I am overweight. I use sarcasm as a way to hide my true feelings of hurt & depression. Humor is my weapon & food is my love.
I know what you’re thinking – just go on a diet. Easier said than done. I do great during the day. Fruit, veggies, tons of water. Smart choices. But it’s at night that I have the problem. Food calls my name. I am a closet binger.
I have been known (well, no one knew until now) to eat an entire package of Oreos. Craving chocolate – don’t get a chocolate bar. Eat an entire container of frosting – GROSS!!!! Those 100 calorie packs of snacks are great – if you only eat ONE package of them.
I hide when I binge (I guess most people do). I’m not even sure if my husband is truly aware of my binging. He must have SOME clue, right?
I can’t binge anymore people.. I am slowly killing myself, but how do I stop? I wish I knew. Maybe therapy or at least a support group. Do they have those anymore? Not something online… but an in-person kind of place that will hold me accountable.
At this point, I can’t focus on losing weight. I need to focus on just being healthy. I’ve toyed with the idea of a lap-band, but that only works if you change your lifestyle too. If I continue to binge, I’ll only counteract the progress of a lap-band.
So, a journey begins. Where will I start, I don’t know. What I do know is that I need help.
Many blessings,
Allison
It’s weird to type that. But they say that admitting your problem is half the battle.
I haven’t always been heavy. In fact, looking back on my teens, I was skinny. Maybe too skinny at some point. I was athletic too; softball, basketball, track. Now I can barely walk to my car in the parking lot.
When did it all change? When did I start using food to comfort me?
It was my early 20’s. After several years of abuse, I needed to hide. The best way to hide – become fat. I don’t think I gained weight on purpose, but I know that my love affair with food began because I was feeling like garbage. Garbage in, garbage out as they say.
Even now, at 36, I am overweight. I use sarcasm as a way to hide my true feelings of hurt & depression. Humor is my weapon & food is my love.
I know what you’re thinking – just go on a diet. Easier said than done. I do great during the day. Fruit, veggies, tons of water. Smart choices. But it’s at night that I have the problem. Food calls my name. I am a closet binger.
I have been known (well, no one knew until now) to eat an entire package of Oreos. Craving chocolate – don’t get a chocolate bar. Eat an entire container of frosting – GROSS!!!! Those 100 calorie packs of snacks are great – if you only eat ONE package of them.
I hide when I binge (I guess most people do). I’m not even sure if my husband is truly aware of my binging. He must have SOME clue, right?
I can’t binge anymore people.. I am slowly killing myself, but how do I stop? I wish I knew. Maybe therapy or at least a support group. Do they have those anymore? Not something online… but an in-person kind of place that will hold me accountable.
At this point, I can’t focus on losing weight. I need to focus on just being healthy. I’ve toyed with the idea of a lap-band, but that only works if you change your lifestyle too. If I continue to binge, I’ll only counteract the progress of a lap-band.
So, a journey begins. Where will I start, I don’t know. What I do know is that I need help.
Many blessings,
Allison
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