Raw

Before you continue reading, please know that I am fully aware of the PC things I'm supposed to 'feel'. I get it. I just need to rant/vent.

Throughout life, I have always felt like a wall flower. You know, the girl who's there but not really there. Blending into the woodwork. When you meet me, I'm either SUPER quiet or SUPER loud. Most people would describe me as an extrovert. However - I AM NOT! I am an introvert.

I can be in a crowded room and feel totally alone. Like I'm on the outside, looking in. A misfit. Don't really belong anywhere... just 'floating'.

I feel like this at work. I feel like this at work. I feel like this in my own family sometimes.

Am I that different? Awkward?

Today I am hurting. Tired of feeling alone. Tired of looking from the outside. Tired of feeling as though I just don't belong. I am tired of hurting!

I will say that I wanted to binge - BIG TIME!! Oh, I was planning ways to run and get binge food while at work. Heck, I was tempted to stop on the way home and binge. But I fought the urge. I know that it would only make me feel worse.

Instead, I came home and had a good cry.

Tonight, I'll curl up on the couch, pretend I'm watching college football w/ The Mayor and then head to bed. Not an exciting night - but I'm not feeling very exciting right now.

Don't pity me. Don't feel sorry for me.. I simply ask that when you think of it - lift me up in prayer.

Many blessings,

Untitled

My heart is breaking as I type this entry. While my family is celebrating the great news of me being cancer free, Stephanie & Scotlon look forward to the day Alaina can come home, my online friend, MckMama is begging God for her son's life.

Several times over the past few months, I have asked you to pray for Stellan, a sweet baby boy who is suffering from SVT (Supraventricular Tachycardia). For the past 3 days, Stellan's baby heart has been beating at a dangerous 230 BPM!!! His doctors, both in the Frozen Tundra AND in Boston, are at a loss as to what to do next. Their only option - life flight him to Boston so that he can undergo ANOTHER ablation. They were hoping to not have to perform this surgery AGAIN until he was 4 years old, but the time has come. Stellan is in the 7th hour.

Friends, I am asking for you to join me & probably MILLIONS from around the world to pray for a miracle for this family & their beloved Stellan. While we have NO doubt that our God is an AWESOME God and can perform miracles, the family is simply asking that Stellan survive the surgery and live life with only a pacemaker.

A year ago, MckMama was pregnant with Stellan who was battling SVT in utereo. She was on bed rest being pumped full of drugs to save her unborn child's life. Now, the roles are reversed. Jennifer (aka MckMama) can only sit by and hold her precious child as HE is pumped full of drugs to try to save his life - or at least prolong it until he can reach Boston for the surgery.

Spread this story to everyone you know!! Jennifer refers to her blog readers as her 'prayer warriors'. Join me in being their prayer warrior for Stellan.

Many blessings,
Allison

Change is in the wind

I think.....

It's been rough lately. Life has been hectic, especially at work. It's tough to work somewhere where you know it's not your calling. I know this is a temporary job.

I've started applying for a few jobs. Came across my 'dream' job recently. It's in Forsyth County - part time victim advocate. Can't you see me doing that!?!?!? I mean, that's what I've been working towards. My goal - ok, part of my goal. But I definitely see it as a stepping stone for the road ahead.

Ultimately, I'd love to begin my own ministry. Get out in the public and tell my story. Tour high schools, colleges & youth groups; telling them about date rape & how you can overcome. There isn't a handbook on this stuff: Ministry for Dummies. (I wish!)

Anyway, on to a new topic.... Alaina

Stephanie has recently updated her blog. Alaina is making great strides in her healing (thanks to our Father). Of course, not as rapidly as everyone would like to see, but small steps forward are still steps forward. Alaina is going to be (she really already is) a testimony to God's faithfulness. I'm asking for continued prayer for her healing.. but also for Stephanie & Scotlon. This is tough on them. They are so very thankful that the Lord is working a miracle in their precious child, but get frustrated at the situation as well. Pray for their strength & patience.

Just purchased tickets for my daughter & I to road trip to Macon, GA to check out the Secret Keeper Girls conference. If you don't know anything about Secret Keepers, you've got to check them out - ESPECIALLY if you have a daughter between the ages of 8 - 12!!! Not quite sure how I found them, but I sure am happy that I did! Modesty, fashion, true beauty & God's word!

Oh well... time to finish up.

Many blessings,
Allison

Update on Alaina

I've taken the words directly from Stephanie's blog:

Alaina was transfered to the NICU at Egleston's tonight. Scotlon rode down there to meet the team and make sure that she got settled in okay. I just spoke to him and she is all tucked in with her new doctors and nurses. For the next 24 hours they plan on trying to just keep her stable and let her rest since she's been through a lot today. If all goes well tomorrow (or later today technically) they will discharge me from the hospital and I will be able to go down and see her. There are so many different variables that are playing a part in her health right now. For the next couple of days we are trying to get her well enough that she doesn't have to go on the ECMO machine. There's only a short window that they can introduce the ECMO though so they may have to just so she doesn't miss that window. It's so much information to take in and we're still trying to process everything.


Jeremiah 29:11~For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Sweet Jesus, I ask that you put your healing touch on our baby girl. You are the Ultimate Physician and there is no docotor on this earth who can heal her the way that you can. Touch her with your hands and let her feel nothing but love pouring over her. We are placing her life in your hands, Lord.

I've done a little research on ECMO and here's what I found:

What is ECMO?
Some babies have lung or heart disease that keeps the right amount of oxygen from getting to body organs. These babies may be helped by the use of an ECMO machine.
ECMO stands for Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation. It is a technique using a machine that gives the blood oxygen outside of the body. ECMO is used when treatment with a ventilator has not worked and there is no other treatment available. When a baby is on the ECMO machine, the blood is being given oxygen just as it would if the lungs or heart were normal.

How is a baby put on the ECMO machine?
A surgeon at the ECMO center will put tubes in the right side of the baby’s neck and maybe in the groin area. The procedure takes about 15-30 minutes.

Does ECMO hurt?
When placed on the machine the baby will be given pain medicine. The baby will also get medicine to keep him/her calm during the test.

How does ECMO work?
One tube drains the blood out of the heart and sends it to the machine to pick up the oxygen. After the oxygen gets into the blood, the other tube brings the blood back to the heart. It will then be pumped by the heart to other organs.

What are the risks of ECMO?
As with all procedures, there are some risks. These include bleeding, infection and intracranial hemorrhage. The doctors and nurses will be watching your baby closely for these risks.

As you can see, this is quite a procedure for anyone, especially a tiny girl like Alaina.

Thanks for praying!

Many blessings,
Allison

PLEASE, PLEASE PRAY!!!

Alaina Kristine was born Saturday morning at 8:07 via emergency c-section because after laboring for several hours, her heartbeat kept fading from the fetal monitors. After she was born, the doctor found that she had been living in a severely significant amount of meconium for about a week. Apparently Stephanie's placenta had aged prematurely, causing Alaina a great deal of stress. The lack of amniotic fluid & oxygen in the placenta triggered Alaina's premature bowel movement, releasing the meconium. The doctor was able to remove a large amount of the meconium from Alaina's lungs, but the remainder of it is preventing her from breathing properly & has to be dissipated by her body. She is making small improvements, but she still has a long road of healing ahead of her. Fortunately, every report that we have received from her doctor since early Sunday morning has been encouraging.


Stephanie is doing well. I can not imagine the torment that she & Scotlon are facing. Alaina is in a zero-stimulus environment in the NICU where they are not allowed to hold her, touch her, or even speak to her. Thankfully, Scotlon was able to touch & visit with his daughter immediately after she was born. Stephanie was able to touch & visit with her daughter only minutes before she was taken to her postpartum room to recover.


Thank you for your prayers. I know that Stephanie & Scotlon are both extremely appreciative of every prayer, every thought & every kind word of encouragement. Please continue to pray for Alaina's & Stephanie's complete & speedy healing, as well as peace & wisdom for Stephanie & Scotlon during this terrifying time.


CURRENT: Alaina's blood pressure is bottoming out. She is receiving an immediate blood transfusion in hopes that the extra blood with help stabilize her, but if this does not work, Alaina will be transported to Egleston Children's Hospital in Atlanta this evening.

Please, please pray for our sweet little girl's healing.

Please pray for Stellan

I am writing this to ask everyone to please pray for baby Stellan. It's a LONG & complicated story, but right now this little guy is having the fight of his life. Please keep him & his family in your prayers.

To read the updates, check out: http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2008/12/prayer-vigil-for-stellan-update-from.html