Can't I cancel Christmas?

I've been doing my Christmas shopping since August. Picking up an item here & there that I think would make the perfect gift for one of my children. Just yesterday, I completed my shopping for them & the Mayor.

The Mayor is trying really hard to make sure that this Christmas is extra special since it will be the 1st one without my father AND since last Christmas was the last time I saw him before he passed. That means a little extra decorations inside & outside the house. I've got to admit, it's gotten me excited.

Then today I hit a holiday wall.

I decided to go through the pile of goodies that I've purchased for the children. We aren't one of those families that have unlimited price limit when it comes to gift buying. We decide on a Christmas budget at the beginning of the year and I usually do a great job of sticking to it.

Today.... well, I sat there in my closet, surrounded by my purchases and hated every single item I bought. I wanted to return it all. Gifts, gift cards, stocking stuffers - EVERYTHING.

It's not that I was regretting not buying the latest & greatest. Not at all.

I just don't feel inspired.

As I walked through the house getting ready for work, I just wanted to take everything down. Box up my Nativity. Toss away the lights. I want it all gone. Wipe away the thought of Christmas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.. I know what you're thinking. Christmas shouldn't be about the gifts. I should focus on the birth of my Savior. Celebrate the day that He came to this earth, a human, so that He could walk this earth & fulfill a prophecy. I mean, aren't I a Christian? Shouldn't I be immune to the trappings of this commercialized holiday?

The truth of the matter is - DEATH SUCKS! There, I said it. Right there, in black & white for the world to see. I don't want to have a 1st Christmas without my father. If I don't have a 1st one, then I can't have a 2nd one & so on. yes, I am a Christian, but I am also human.

No, I won't cancel Christmas. It really is one of my favorite holidays. Instead of focusing on my loss, I'm going to try to remember the Christmases that I did have with my Dad. Focus of the gift of his life.

I can't guarantee it won't hurt. I can only guarantee that I'm going to give it a try.

Many blessings,