I'm quick to use the words "I'm sorry" as soon as I realize that I was in the wrong (well, most of the time I am quick to use them). I often wonder if just saying "I'm sorry" is enough. Is it heartfelt enough? Did it come across as sincere?
For the past month or so, I've been toying with the idea of writing a letter to someone who has hurt me - my former youth pastor. There's that part of me that just says "Let sleeping dogs lie" and then there's that other part of me, that part that often yearns to know if I am truly forgiven that just wants to say "You're forgiven".
It's a tough decision, one that I am not taking lightly. Certainly, I do not want him back in my life in any way, shape or form. I need to protect myself. But I do feel as though that he needs to know that I do not hold a grudge, that he is, indeed, forgiven.
It reminds me of Christ's love & forgiveness of us. As soon as we ask for forgiveness, we are forgiven. More than likely, we are forgiven as soon as we have sinned. I'm not a bible scholar so I don't want to debate on that.. just expressing my opinions. Anyway, one of the most freeing things about being a Christian is knowing that when I mess up (and you KNOW I will), my Heavenly Father is right there, with open arms to welcome me & forgive me. I am called to do the same.
Don't get me wrong, there will be no hugging or any contact whatsoever, but there will be forgiveness and sometimes that is a hug in itself.
Forgiveness is powerful! There is such a peace in knowing that I am forgiven, whether by God or by someone else I have hurt.
Part of OA is to make amends. I'm not at that step yet, but do feel that I need to do this.
Join me in praying that God gives me the words to say and the courage to do this. I still need to talk it over with Craig. I want him involved as much as I can. I know his 1st reaction will be to say NO, but eventually he will understand my WHY.
Many blessings,
Allison
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